Crossing the Distance
by Salixj
Summary: More of how I think The Search should progress. Azula, Zuko, Katara, Sokka are all featured, focus on the sibs, with mentions of the others. I'm sort of bringing a lot of different scenarios together, so maybe one day this will actually turn out to be a story with chapters. Till then I hope you all enjoy. A bit of angst, but with hope at the end.
1. Chapter 1

Normal disclaimer about not owning any part of Avatar

The sky was just beginning to grey with the first of the morning light. Zuko stirred, knowing only himself and Sokka, who had night watch, would be awake. The rest would remain asleep for at least three hours more hours. In the past Azula would have woken up long before him, been out practicing or scheming, but she had begun to complain about waking up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep again. For everyone's sake Katara had prepared a sedative for such occasions. Bitter tasting they purchased chocolate to mix with the medication. Sometimes Azula would ask Sokka to take a cup with her "she just wants to feel normal" Sokka had explained. It made everyone happier to know she was out. Everyone but him; not only was he concerned with her insomnia – that he knew was real enough – but he sensed she had something planned. But what? Sokka knew not to take a drink from her hand, not to turn his back on his own drink. "I'm not stupid" he had said testily when they had cautioned him. "I know not to trust your sister." Still, Zuko sensed something wasn't right.

"Sokka, I'll take over now…" he called, without opening his eyes. Nothing was working out right. All clues to where his mother could be led to dead ends, every lead turned to ash, and Azula...his sister was by turns, sullen, cold, weepy, sarcastic, viciously polite – when she wasn't hallucinating. He had hoped for… "What was I hoping for mother?" he asked himself. A family. A brother-sister relationship, like Katara and Sokka had.Something he only vaguely remembered being there when they were quite young - an image of him with a big book on his lap, reading to her. But that couldn't have been. She had begun to read before he did. "Did she give you much trouble last night?"

But snores were the only answer. Zuko chuckled. Sokka could fall asleep in a snap. "Night watch over, sir!" he'd declare and then he'd lie down and was out. "Night watch over sir…." There had been no such call. Zuko shot up, a chill rushing through him. "Sokka?" He turned to where Sokka should be… he was there alright, leaning back on the wall of the cave, a cup still clasped his hand, asleep; and Azula was gone.

"SOKKA!" he yelled loudly, waking the others, but not Sokka, he slept on. Azula must have switched cups on him. He jumped up and rushed over to the sleeping man, shook him hard, but no luck, he was dead to the world.

"Zuko?" Katara looked up at him in concern.

"Azula's gone." He explained glumly, indicating the cup in Sokka's hand. "She switched cups on Sokka, and took off."

Katara came to his side, concern for her brother written over her face, took up the cup and dipped her finger in for a taste. "Not switched." She said coldly, her concern deepening. Her hands moved gently across his body. "He is okay, just asleep." She sighed in relief. "I'm…I'm sorry Zuko…" she added.

"It isn't your fault." Zuko dragged his fingers through his hair, brushing it back from his forehead. Her stuff was gone. Every last bit of it; _"her cup's gone."_ he noted to himself, the drink dumped onto the ground where she had been sleeping. Whatever he wanted was gone as well. He pressed his hands hard against his eyes. He'd have to find her, bring her in, put her…somewhere; hospital, prison, under lock and key somewhere. Unless she had made that choice_. "Please don't have made that choice Azula". _No coming back from that choice. Zuko looked over at Aang, caught his eye, Aang nodded slightly in return. He was the only one among his friends who knew what the real deal had been between him and his sister.

Aang crossed over to him, resting his hand gently on his shoulder. "She couldn't have gone far…" he assured him quietly. She'll be on foot."

Zuko shook his head. "Would it matter?" She wouldn't need much time or space. Just enough distance that they couldn't stop her. He looked up at Aang. "I messed up. I shouldn't have made the deal."

"This wasn't part of the deal Zuko."

"Does that matter?" He had thought he had out-manipulated the manipulator by making a promise he would keep in act but not fact.

"I should have left her in the hospital. She wasn't ready. I should have known she had something planned. She didn't trust me and she had never cared about Mother leaving, why would she care about getting her back? She must have been planning this all along." She had probably figured out that Aang was in on the secret and would stop her.

Unless maybe she was just hiding somewhere, gone underground, live her life as a fugitive, but he doubted that. Not his sister. "It's probably already too late."

"We'll find her."Aang said again, as he headed to the mouth of the cave. "We'll do a circular search…we've got…" He stopped, and his shoulders slumped. "I don't understand! He would have cried out!"

Katara joined Aang at the mouth of the cave. Appa was gone. "I don't understand…" he repeated dejectedly. He wouldn't have let her take him without crying out." Katara dropped a comforting arm about Aang. "We'll get him back." She assured him, "And Azula will pay." She added darkly, her hands curling into fists.

Zuko stared at the ground_. "She's already paid,"_ he thought to himself.

"I'm sorry Aang…I don't think she'd hurt him…" Zuko called to them. _"_She'll probably just release him somewhere…" Or leave him as a sign… His stomach turned at the thought.

"APPA!" Aang shouted.

"I'm sorry." Zuko stood up to go to his friend. "I'll see that…."

But Aang wasn't listening to him, he shouted again and started running down the slope to the meadow below. "Appa!"

Appa had broken free, or Azula had simply released him when he was of no more use. _"Thank you for that, at least that."_ But then he saw her, guiding Appa in. She started Appa's descent on the far end of the meadow, then headed up onto his back. Within seconds of landing she dropped three men to the ground, sliding them down Appa's side.

Three very bedraggled looking men - very scared, bedraggled looking men, bound hand and foot. Azula tossed down her bag, nearly hitting one of the men, then jumped down after it. Landing she turned quickly to the men and sat them up so they were leaning back against Appa. She smirked as they approached.

Aang reached Appa first, paying not the slightest heed to Azula. "Appa's fine" he announced, rubbing Aappa's nose and making little cooing noises at him in a reassuring way.

"Azula!" both he and Katara shouted at the same time. He raced ahead to reach her before Katara did. She did come back, whatever else Azula did come back. _"Why?"_ was the question he asked himself. He glanced back at Katara; her face was one of fury. Before either girl could attack he interjected his body between them. "Katara, I'll handle my sister, you go back to your brother."

"But Zuko…"

"NOW!" he softened his tone, "Please." Katara looked at him a moment, then at Aang who nodded in agreement. "Make sure Sokka is alright. I'll be here in case Zuko needs me."

Azula sneered at Katara "A milder sedative than you were drugging me with." she told her. Katara didn't bother to respond, just turned and stormed off.

"As for you Azula," he turned back to his sister "tell me why I shouldn't ship you off to prison this minute?" He stared down curiously at the men in front of him. They were from the village they had gone through yesterday, those he had questioned about his mother's whereabouts. "You know the rules…" his voice trailed off. He had spoken to these men personally, and they had assured him they knew nothing, had wished him success. "You are to behave…" He cocked his head at his sister. She smiled and shrugged, then kicked the man nearest her, a middle age man with a forked beard, with the side of her foot.

"Tell Fire Lord DumDum here what you told me and about our mother" and she warned, holding out her hand and bring up a flame of blue "your memory better be good…"

They had held out on him.

"I…we…" began the man "that is my friends and I…" Azula grabbed the man by his hair.

"Address my brother correctly!" She commanded.

"Fire Lord Dum…." The words were hardly out of his mouth before Azula jerked his head up hard and brought her hand down close to his face. "Fire Lord DumDum to me, you speak to him with respect!" Zuko jerked his eyes at Azula then back to the man. _"Speak to me with respect?" _ That was coming from his sister?

The man Azula went white and his eyes rolled up in his head. "Argh" she groaned, dropping the man. He fell forward and came to rest with his forehead on the ground. Zuko stole another glance at his sister; he was beginning to learn how to read her expressions – not if they were face to face. Then there'd be a mask. But a covert glance and he would get a hint. She had meant what she said.

"You…" she turned to the man farthest from her. Zuko stared down at the man; his tunic was torn and there was a burn mark on the man's shoulder, the character for a maggot. _"Good girl_" He didn't mind that rumor getting out; there should be consequences to lying to the Fire Lord. _"hope you marked the rest."_ But how'd she get that burn so perfect?

"Tell my brother what you know about our mother…" she commanded him, leaning over the man in the middle, her blue flame close to his face. "And you'd better not faint on me!"

"Ah…Zuko…" Aang interjected.

"Zuko shifted his body, this time to place himself between Azula and Aang.

"Azula perhaps you had better let me." She turned to him, and for a brief moment he feared he would feel her anger. Instead she merely nodded, stood upright, and leaned back against Appa.

"Well?" He said to the man. The man looked visibly relieved. With a quick glance at Azula he began. Azula's reputation, as well as his own much more benign disposition, was known far and wide.

"Respectfully… " Azula reminded the man as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Fire Lord Zuko… " he eyed Azula apprehensively. "We, that is to say the three of us… My colleagues and I" Azula chortled. "That is to say we…"

"YES?" Zuko' felt his own anger rise.

"We saw your mother, about 6 years ago…" The man who had fainted revived and sat back groggily against Appa's side.

"You did more than see her…" Azula's voice was tense.

"We…we were sent for her. By your father. To get her."

"Sent for her? What do you mean sent for her?" Zuko demanded, his voice edged with anger. "What do you mean 'get her'?" Flames erupted from his own hand and he leaned in close to the Burn-Mark.

Forked-beard fainted again. The one who was speaking went mute…staring at the flames that had erupted from Zuko's hand. Azula yawned as if bored and pointed at the man in the middle. He began to speak, rapidly firing off what he knew.

"Bounty hunters… we are bounty hunters… Fire Lord" he added when Azula growled at him. "We are. Bounty hunters and were sent to find her and we did and we took her captive but our maid helped her escape…"

"YOU HELD MY MOTHER CAPTIVE?" Zuko's face went as red as the flame in his hand. "YOU HELD MY MOTHER CAPTIVE?"

Azula smiled.

"It was a nice cellar…" the man began to cry.

"IN A CELLAR?"

"ayyyyyyiiiiiii…." The man cried. "aaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyiiiiiiiiiii iiiiii"

"Date. Time." Azula spit out. "Tell my brother when and where you held her captive."

The man kept crying.

"I think I'll let you play with these men some more…" Zuko said to Azula in a conversational tone. He reached for the man in the middle and dragged him forward, away from Appa."Don't want Appa to get hurt…"

"Six years ago, Tushin village…" the man gasped out, scooting backward at the same time. "Please, please, please, that's all we know. We had to leave quickly after your mother left. If the Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..." Zuko's glare stifled the man's words. "If your father had found us he would have had us killed for our failure." The man gasped, winded from his speech.

Azula stood back, folding her arms in front of her once again. She smirked at him. "Well brother. Can we kill them now?"

"No. " he told her firmly.

"Torture them?"

"No Azula."

"They bound mother with ropes and locked her in a cellar." She said in a sing song manner, staring at her fingernails once more.

Zuko's forehead puckered in thought.

"Zuko!" Aang said anxiously.

"A little torture? A bit of lightening? Maybe another scar or two? On the face this time. " she suggested. Zuko bit his lip, pondering the thought. "Right on the cheek."

"ZUKO!" Aang called more urgently, coming around Appa.

"They bound my mother and flung her into a cold dark cellar with bugs and rats!" Zuko shouted back.

"It wasn't so cold and there were no rats." Torn-tunic shouted out. Fainter nearly collapsed again, and Man in the Middle nodded in agreement. "No rats, no rats!"

"Mother. Bound. Cellar. Cold." ." Azula laid her hand on his shoulder. "A character or two, so everyone will know who they are and what they did to Mother."

The men stared up at them, pleading with their eyes.

"ZU- KO!"

Zuko sighed, his shoulders dropping. "No Azula. No killing, no torture. No more scarring. You did mark each of them?"

She nodded as she swung around him and held her feet out for the men to kiss. "Maggot, worm, cockroach." She pointed at each man in turn, then held out her other foot to the men.

Maybe he'd put her in charge of the prisons. There would probably be a distinct drop in recidivism with Azula in charge.

"Aang" he said, turning to his friend. "can you escort these …"

"Insects? Rodents?" Azula suggested.

"to prison?" Zuko concluded.

Aang nodded and came forward, clearly relieved.

"Now thank the Fire Lord for sparing your lives." Azula commanded moving away slightly, "because I would not have!"

"Thank you Fire Lord. Thank you!" And the men bent over to kiss his feet as eagerly as they had kissed Azula's.

Aang grabbed the first man mid kiss and dragged him up onto Appa's back, then went back for the other two.

"Your sister is very persuasive…" Forked-beard, the last to go, told him as Aang dragged him up onto Appa's back.

"Yes she is…" Zuko agreed, staring at his sister, trying to catch her eye, but she just had gone back to examining her nails, indifferent to the scare she had caused him.

"Appa is fine Azula, " Aang called down once he had settled himself into the riders seat. "so I'll forgive you this time. But you had better never take him anywhere on your own again."

"She won't…" Zuko assured him."

"Now move away please so we can take off." Azula reached down for her bag but Zuko grabbed it first and flung it over his shoulder and the siblings moved back a few spaces.

"My bag?" she asked, holding out her hand. Zuko ignored her request.

"You won't take him off again, will you?" He asked her as Aang took to the air. Azula stared down at the ground. "Azula?" he took her firmly by the arms and shook her. "Look at me. Will you?" She tensed, her arms becoming hard, her face cold and withdrawn.

"I won't do it again. I'd promise but you wouldn't believe me so why try. Now please give me my bag so may I go, if you please, _Fire Lord_?"

"No! Azula, We need to talk."

"I'm sorry. Is admitting I was a bad little girl and promising not to do it again not good enough? Should I kneel and cry and beg the Fire Lords forgiveness?"

He ignored her sarcasm. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Well let's see…" she tapped her finger to her cheek and puckered her forehead "We arrived at the village.."

Zuko released her arms and fished his hand into her bag. "Cup!" he said, displaying the item.

"Oh silly me, I've been calling that a salt shaker."

"You weren't coming back Azula, I figured that much out." He returned the cup to the bag.

"Maybe I just don't trust the cleanliness of the village tea shop."

"Maybe you weren't planning on coming back. Maybe you've been planning this for quite some time. Maybe you would like to tell me the truth or I'll reconsider sending you off to prison. Look at me." He placed his hands on her shoulders, but she refused to look up, her eyes everywhere but on him. "I'm not going to hurt you. I don't want to know your secrets; how you managed to trick Sokka, how you got Appa off without protest. I am not asking where you were going or any other details. I just want to know, have you been planning this the whole time? Azula?" She had settled on staring at a point in space to the right of him. Mother. He sighed. She was talking to their mother. Stress, exhaustion, hunger, all exacerbated the hallucinations; though in her case he wasn't certain whether to categorize her little torture session as stress or stress relief. He studied her face. Her mouth twitched; she had regained enough control not to answer back loudly, at least most of the time, but there were still these little hints that she was responding. Actually it might benefit him. She found it harder to lie when Mother appeared to her. He let the conversation continue, the back and forth evident in the small movements of her eyes and mouth.

Mother must have been pushing, because Azula's mouth twisted up in anger "No. Liar!" she hissed in an undertone, and then she turned toward him, her eyes to the ground. "Yes. Ember Island." Well now he knew where. He could have people placed there if she managed to escape Aang. "You promised me." She added, glaring up at him.

"I promised _after _we found mother. And I will keep my word. You haven't kept yours."

"You would really let me go?"

"I promised I wouldn't stop you." Aang will though. "I'm hoping you'll change your mind." he added, drawing small circles with his thumb at a point just below her shoulder bones. It calmed her a bit he had discovered.

"Why would I? You'll just throw me in a dark-hole somewhere."

"I told you I would not. Not if you behave." She trusted him to let her take her own life, but not enough that he would let her live her life. He wondered if she'd ever care how much that hurt him.

"Why did you break our deal? You didn't think we had a chance, did you?

She shook her head. "You spent a year looking for Mother and Father spent a year." She jerked her head in the direction where Aang had been. "I didn't know about them. Father didn't tell me much. I just… I just found out about him sending searches. It was after you left."

"After I was banished." Zuko corrected her.

"Yes. He wanted her back for some reason." she said bitterly.

"And you didn't?"

"No. She would have…she would have…interfered."

"Interfered with what?"

"Everything."

Zuko frowned. She was hiding something. "Everything?"

Her eyes went wide; she was staring at something just over his shoulder. She shook her head violently from side to side.

Father. "Everything what Azula? Look at me, not him. I'm Fire Lord now. Look at me…"

"Everything, just everything." She said eyes on him once again. "Just everything alright?" Mother must have said something to her, countering Father no doubt, because she giggled and glared at a point to his side. "Oh, I am certain of that," she sneered.

Zuko touched her cheek, gently pulling her face back to his direction. She started at him a moment in confusion, then her eyes cleared. "She didn't love me Zuko. No one did. I know that. I know that. Mai played with me because of you and Ty Lee..." her voice trailed off. "She'd hug me. I thought…but no she didn't, not really and Father…Father I knew. I knew he didn't. I could pretend though, Father loved me and Mother loved you…I could pretend that and I thought if I did everything right, everything right… whatever the Fire Lord asks is right" her voice changed slightly, her tone sounding as if she were repeating a lesson…"and I tried to do everything right…and sometimes he'd give me a hug and kiss after.."

"_After what?"_ Zuko wondered, but he didn't want to interrupt the flow of her thoughts.

" and then I'd pretend the best. I'd take the hug and kiss back with me. But if mother returned… She would have hated me Zuko. She would have looked at me and hated me and it was my fault. She didn't understand. The Fire Lord is always right." There it was again. "So hated me already she would have hated me more, and she would have taken even the pretending away so I wouldn't have even that so I didn't want her back and I'm glad she didn't come back. She's hates me. She hates me! And when we find her she's going to hug you and tell you how proud she is of you and how much she loves you and she's going to look at me and tell me how wrong I am...and what a monster I am…YES YOU ARE!" That last bit was to Mother obviously. Her breath was ragged now; her chest heaved hard, her hands balled into fists, her whole body shook as she worked to keep the tears in, to regain control.

"_Let go, let go. Don't you know I'm here now? Let go!"_ he begged her silently, but her body went hard beneath his hands and he knew if he tried to hug her now she'd scream and have a fit.

"I hate her Zuko," she was with him again, her voice tight with pain and rage. "I hate her. She hates me. But no one loves me. No one came to visit me. No one wrote me. Not a word from anyone. Not a word from anyone. I was going to go, but when I passed over the village on Appa I thought how you would never find her and how you would never know, and I realized I would never know."

"Never know what?"

"Whether she ever loved me, whether she ever wanted me, whether she ever cared at all, even for a minute; or was I always her monster. I just want a minute of her love, real love, that's all I want, to take with me to the grave. Just a minute of love is that too much to ask for? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed at him, not giving him a chance to respond, and placing the heels of palms on his chest gave him one solid push, unbalancing him so he fell back.

"Leave me alone." She turned, and strode off to the edge of the shore. She sank down onto the sand, knees clasped with her arms, head on her knees, rocking back and forth.

For awhile he lay there in the dust, just watching her, but as he started to rise he felt two arms grabbing him, helping him up; Sokka and Katara.

"How long…"

"Long enough,." Katara answered him. "Take her back to the hospital. Today. As soon as Aang gets back."

"No." he shook his head. "She'll never be well then." His eyes were still on Azula. "It was easier when I could hate her, when she was simply evil." He turned to them, "but I can't. I've had enough lies in my life not to add more. She needs me. She needs to know there is another way, that she does have another chance."

"And what if she doesn't take that chance? What if she's too…" Katara waved at her, unable to find the right words.

"Damaged?" Not everything was fixable, not everything repairable. But she was a human being; not a thing, not an animal. Not refuge, fit only for the trash. "I'll take care of her in the way that is best." He turned back to his sister, alone on the shore, indifferent to the water which washed over her feet. "But I refuse to leave her alone," and as he said the words he knew that was the key. He crossed the distance to her, knelt beside her in the sand, resting his arm gently across her back.

"Leave me alone Zuko." She told her, her voice muffled her tears evident.

"No. I'm not leaving you alone. I'm the Fire Lord and your big brother, those are facts you just have to accept, and as Fire Lord and your big brother, I'm not leaving you alone, ever again."

They stayed a long time, the tides ebbing further and further away until the sand beneath them was dry, and the sun was high up in the sky; midmorning. Eventually she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I know you lied to me about letting me go," she said after a few minutes had passed.

"I said I wouldn't stop you."

"Who will then? Aang?"

"I'm hoping you stop yourself Azula." He brushed his lips gently against her forehead. "It's time for breakfast," he stood and offered her his hand.

She hesitated a moment, but then clasped his hand, allowing him to help her up, and together they went back to camp.


	2. Chapter 2

"Don't feel bad Sokka. She's extremely tricky. I should know. Fooled me so many times.""  
"She thinks only of herself. She's a monster."  
"You cared. That wasn't wrong."  
They kept coming up to him throughout the day, trying to comfort him.  
"You were trying to help her."  
"No heart, no soul."  
"She just lies. I think she lies to herself."  
Brief little conversations here, a brief remark throughout the day that only made him feel worse.

"She's a monster Sokka." Katara whispered in his ear the next morning, as they gathered there things in order to head off for Tushin, a two day ride. "She cares only for no one but herself." She was careful not to let Zuko hear her comments; he disliked hearing Azula called names now. "And anyway, Zuko shouldn't have let her come," she added as they joined the others on Appa's back..

"Look, she's my sister and I've stopped hating her" Zuko cornered him when they stopped for lunch. "But … she lies, she always has. Lies to herself as well I think as well." Zuko had told him, filling a bowl of broth for himself and one for his sister. "I don't think she knows how not to lie." His eyes kept darting over to his sister; almost as if he feared something would happen as they watched.

Aang corned him that evening when they broke camp for the night.. "You cared and that's what important Sokka , whether or not she cares back." Aang rested a hand on his shoulder ""Not your fault Sokka."  
"Not your fault."  
"Not your fault."

But it was, of course it was his fault, and it didn't matter what any of them said, it didn't matter that she came back. He had failed at his job. "I'm as good as a bender," he tried telling himself, but obviously not.

She was paying the price as well, but oddly it didn't make him feel better to see Zuko bind her hand and foot at night. The first night she had protested, but Zuko had been firm; "You broke your end of the bargain, I'm breaking mine." But she didn't even try to protest the second evening, just offered her hand, her face impassive, pretending not to see them watching her trussed up. Reluctantly she drank the tea Zuko gave her, practically tossing the cup at him when she was done. "Azula…" Zuko began, reaching out to caress her arm. She jerked away from him and turned on her back, flinching every time Zuko tried to rub her back. Finally he gave up, sat beside her, his arms folded in his lap.

"She was crying in her sleep last night." Aang whispered to them as they waited for Zuko to join them.  
"Only because she lost." Katara said dismissively. "She didn't like being tied up."  
"I don't know that Katara." Aang said. "She was crying on and off all night. I think she has bad dreams."  
"She should have bad dreams after all the trouble she's caused."  
"Katara if you could just t ry…"  
"You are too forgiving Aang. Some people are just too sick to help."  
"Everyone deserves a second chance, and for Zuko's sake…."  
"She's a monster Aang. You saw what she did to those men!" She swung her arm out at Appa as if the men were still propped against his side. "You heard what she was going to do!"  
"I think she scared them more than anything else, remember I was…"  
"She marked them! You told me she marked them!" She shook her finger in his face.  
"Katara, please…" Aang tried to put his hand on her shoulder but she shook him off.  
"And we don't know what she would have done if you had let her!"  
"Zuko and I…"  
"Exactly!

Sokka moved off, trying to put enough distance between them so he could not hear the argument. Finally he settled against the trunk of a tree that bordered the the clearing where they had camped, placing the warring couple to his right side, and Zuko to his left. Aang and his sister had been arguing about Azula back and forth the whole trip, any little thing could set Katara off, and her escape had only put the two of them further on edge. Zuko glanced up at the two of them then at his sister then down at the ground, the guilt plain to see.

They were all on edge, all at each other throats, and she was the center of everyone's feelings. Aang mopey because his attempts at being friendly to Azula were constantly shot down and angry at Katara for not trying harder. Katara was just plain angry at everyone, Zuko for having brought along "the monster", Aang for his constant attempts at niceness, and at him because he wouldn't agree with her all the time, and Zuko -one moment fussing over his sister as if she had a terminal illness the next yelling at her for something she said or did. When he wasn't yelling at his sister he was complaining to them about her torture of him when they were children but if anyone should say anything against her they'd get blasted.

Azula didn't have to say anything or do anything; just wake up and give everyone the cold shoulder, and a fight would start.

Sokka sighed, watching as Zuko, hands folded loosely in his lap, watched his sister. After a few moments Zuko reached out, touched her tentatively, then started rubbing her back; soft gentle strokes and a shushing sound. Either the sedative had taken effect, or as Zuko had put it, "let him in", because she wasn't pushing him away. Asleep, he concluded when Zuko dropped his hands back into his lap, his shoulders slumping, just staring at his sisters back.

_Everything's so messed up,_ Sokka thought to himself, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to squeeze out the ache that had settled there. _Zuko, you need to send her back_, he agreed with his sister on that one/. How likely were they to find his mother anyway if June couldn't? No one was benefiting. "Not even your sister," he whispered. No more perfect girl, that was certain; he didn't know which was sadder; Azula pretending she wasn't talking to people who weren't there or her brother watching her pretending.

"NO!" He heard Katara shout. "Why? Why should I? How can you expect me to?" . Sokka glanced over, trying to pretend to himself he wasn't seeing their fight. Aang's voice was low, but whatever he said only made Katara angrier; she got that look he hated on her face, shaking her head back and forth.

Zuko started stroking Azula's back again, giving Katara a sharp look..

x"NO!" she shouted again, her hands in front of her, as if pushing back Aang's words. "No, not in any way, shape or form." Aang touched her lightly on the shoulder but she jerked away, hissing out some reply. What was he asking of her?

_Send her back Zuko_; don't you see what is happening to us? Zuko leaned down and brushed his lips against Azula's forehead, whispering to the back of her head.

"I don't care!" Katara shouted and turned about in time to see her run past him to the area where they were bedding down for the night.  
"Katara!" Aang called, racing after her. Katara ignored him, pulling open her sack and grabbing her bedroll, moving it as far away from everyone as possible.

Aang followed her, gesturing with his hands, Katara just shook her head, laid out her bed and climbed in, her back to him. Zuko's shoulders slumped lower, his eyes going from Katara and Aang back to his sister again. Finally Aang gave up trying to talk to Katara and sat down cross legged on his roll, staring discontentedly at a spot between his sister and Zuko.

"_Messed up."_ Sokka told himself. For a few minutes everything was still, then Zuko stood and walked over to Aang begging for something. Aang shook his head no, but then after a few more minutes of pleading from Zuko gave a sharp nod of agreement. Zuko turned again to his sister then left, walking aimlessly for awhile, in and about of the small copse of woods, every once and awhile turning back to look at Azula. Finally his wandering took him to the tree against which Sokka rested, twisting so he could see both his sister and Sokka.

"Hi." He said awkwardly. Sokka followed his arms over his chest and just stood there. "Okay, you think this is a bad idea as well." Zuko said, his eyes leaving his sister for a minute.  
"Said that a few times."  
"Doesn't anyone appreciate the fact that she came back?" Zuko demanded.  
He kept harping on that, as if it were this great thing. How much choice did she have? She'd be a fugitive from all the nations, wasn't like she could find much refuge anywhere. "She came back," Zuko said again, "she didn't… What if it were your sister? "

_My sister isn't a psychopath_, he wanted to retort, but kept such thoughts to himself.

"I know you hate her. I hated her for years, but if it were your sister…LOOK!" he reached into his shirt and pulled out a paper. "See!" Zuko unfolded the paper and thrust it out to him; it was two children's hands, one within the other. "See," he said shaking the paper. "Don't you see?" Sokka sighed and took the paper from Zuko's hand.

"The maids, when they were cleaning her room" Zuko hugged himself and looked back at his sister "they found this box, when they were cleaning her room, before I let her come home…under her cabinet." Sokka took the picture; each hand was marked with a name and age, scrawled in a childish hand. Zuko six, Azula four. "She kept it. Along with her dolls. She didn't burn them."

"You've lost me Zuko."  
"Don't you see? Don't you understand?"

Sokka sighed and made a guess, "Your hand and Azula's hand when you were kids, one of you wrote your names. No clue about the dolls."  
"I made the hands, well I think I did, but the writing is mine. And she kept it!" Sokka nodded; kind of sad really. "In this box! Under her cabinet! With her dolls!"

_The dolls again; _part of him wanted to ask, the rest of him, he wasn't so sure. She didn't burn some dolls but Zuko thought she had, that much was clear.

Zuko swung his arms around, his eyes wide. "They were tucked into the box, like she had put them to sleep, beneath scraps of cloth," he shook his head. "My mother was so angry with her for destroying her dolls and she didn't, she pretended to but…" he shoved his hair back from his eyes…"I don't know what she burned, the dolls clothes maybe, but why? Ozai…" he shook his head.

Sokka studied the picture, letting Zuko babble. Hard to believe Azula had been that little; harder to believe that she had once just played with Zuko.

"Ozai, I guess, said something. But…Don't ask her," he waved his arm in her direction, "she won't say. At least she admits he didn't love her. She admits that now…But it's her that's wrong, not him 'The Fire Lord is always right.' She won't say anything against him. " Zuko stared down at the ground, "There is so much she refuses to say, so much she hides, like she hid the box. So many questions I have. Like why these things and why did she make the fire and all these bizarre odds and ends that she kept?" Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. "Why?"

Sokka looked up at him. "I'm still confused pal. I get that you found a box of Azula's stuff that you thought she had destroyed?"

Zuko sighed, nodded and took a deep breath. "Before she came home I had the maids go through her room, thoroughly, top to bottom. 'Look everywhere' I told them. Take out her drawers, look under things," he explained. "I didn't want anything she could use as a weapon or something. I had it cleaned right after I became Fire Lord, the glass and everything, dusted, had her stuff…" he swallowed, and ducked his head, then turned back to look at his sister, lowering his voice "I had her stuff put away, her clothes, her books, everything, I even thought that I just might destroy it all." His voice caught, and he ducked his head. "I never really expected her to come home,", he admitted brushing his eyes with the hem of his sleeve, before lifting his head. "I "When she was coming back I told the maids to go over her room. I had no idea what she might have hidden, she was so paranoid. So I had the maids clean it well. They found this box under her cabinet, resting on the wood struts beneath the bottom drawer, and they opened it and then brought it to me, with all this stuff in it. There was this picture, a picture of a dragon from her favorite book, the dolls she use to sleep with, and all these odds and ends, these little things that people throw out. What if they didn't find it?" His voice rose. "What if the maids had just thrown it out? Or I never agreed to take her along, never allowed her to come home. What if I had never known, I had just written her off to grow old and die alone in some cell." He stared off into the woods. "She's just fifteen; should I let her die?" Zuko asked him softly.

"Die?" Sokka looked up, startled.

Zuko didn't answer, but instead took the paper from him, "I don't remember what we were doing, I wonder if she does? "Zuko whispered, almost to himself. "She kept it, so maybe?" He looked up at him. "Do you think she remembers?" He asked.  
Sokka shrugged. "I guess maybe…" he was at a loss what to say. "Die?" he prompted; but Zuko just kept staring at the picture.

"All these years, she held onto these things." He looked back at his sister. "I want to give her a chance. She kept these things. All these years, I thought she hated me. She didn't. She kept these things, hid them. She couldn't have hated me, not like I thought. My sister. Don't you understand? Doesn't anyone…"

"You are my friend Zuko, I care but..." She was Azula. She'd not give a thought to their lives, would she have cared if Zuko had been killed? Let her stay locked up forever. Okay it was sad, but…

"She would follow me about when she was young, three, four, make me kiss her and her dolls goodnight and tell her a story after mother had gotten her into bed. Mother would put her to bed and then she'd sit up and go Zuzu's turn and I'd have to come in and kiss her and her dolls and read to her even though I couldn't read. Dragon stories, she loved them." Tucking her in like he tried to tuck her in now. "She loved me. She's still there, she has to be." He swung his arm off to the side where his sister lay sleeping. "I want that sister back Sokka. Is that so wrong?"

"It's never wrong to care…" he assured him, echoing Aang's words; but still, this was Azula.

"Should I just let her die?" he asked him again. Zuko dropped his head, staring at the ground. "She wants to die Sokka. She wants to kill herself. She went off to kill herself. She's only fifteen…"

Oh…." Sokka didn't know what else to say. "Oh."

"She told me how she was going to do it as well, so I'd know that she was… that she just hadn't run away somewhere. It wouldn't affect her face, just her heart and lungs. It's a technique that top spies learn. Even Uncle doesn't know how, just knows of it." Zuko wrapped his arms around himself. "And she finally told me where. Makes sense; the only place maybe she was even a bit happy. And I couldn't' let her do that. She's only fifteen! Do you understand?" he begged. " I don't want her dead. I don't to put her away somewhere for life. I want my sister back. I want my mother back, for both of our sakes. Is that so much to want?" He was shouting now, pleading. "is it Sokka? Too much to ask? To have a family again?" He turned back and glanced at his sister. She must have started crying in her sleep because Aang was kneeling by her side, rubbing her back as Zuko had done, but must not have been successful because Katara sat up and stared at them, then finally followed suit. "I want the sister back her loved me and trusted me. I want to be the big brother again." Katara rose and Aang rose, turned and looked at the two of them. Zuko gave a sigh, and a quick nod showing he understood. "Is it really so wrong to want my sister back?" He asked, and squaring his shoulders began moving toward the sleeping area.

"Zuko!" Sokka took his arm, stopping him. Zuko turned about. "Okay, I'm in your corner. I'll help you…" how he wasn't certain at all. "But she's got to toe the line."

Zuko nodded. "I know. I can't let her get out of line. But she came back."_ In_ _other words, _Sokka realized_, she didn't kill herself._

Don't forget that…She did come back." He jerked his hand towards Azula. "I have to go."

Sokka nodded. "She came back. Good sign," he could think of nothing else but it seemed to ease Zuko's distress. "A real good sign…" he said as he let Zuko go, watched as he returned to his sister, rubbing her back, bending over to kiss her, he could almost hear Zuko's voice shushing her, and in the back of his mind he kept seeing the picture of the two hands, one inside the other, brother and sister. "I'll help you get both back," he said softly, realizing the search for Zuko's mom was the easy part.

He watched for a long time; Zuko easing Azula back into sleep, his sister and Aang going back to their beds, each grabbing their bedroll, then laughing, hugging each other, making up, Zuko stretching out beside his sister, one arm over her back, Aang and Katara sitting, talking. At one point his sister looked up at him, started to rise, but he shook his head, mouthed. "No…" and she sat down again. Soon she and Aang lay down, soon they too were asleep. He watched them long into the night, going over and over his promise to Zuko. He wanted to help Zuko, but how?

To search for a person without a map or no indication as to where they went, was difficult enough. But how do you search for a soul? He shook his head, returned to camp, standing over Zuko and Azula, looking down on them. She had turned in her sleep towards her brother, her face curled against his chest. It reminded him of a picture book he had once had of two children, brother and sister, lost in the snow far from home. That story had ended tragically; both children dying for lack of fire. _Well these two had fire enough._ But what was it he could provide.

He went to his bedroll and stretched out, his hands behind his head and fell into an uneasy sleep, wondering what he could do.

Azula's weeping woke him early the next morning, before the sun had fully risen. A soft mewling noise, followed by Zuko's shushing sounds. Sokka opened his eyes, watching as Zuko unbound her arms and legs, rubbing at her wrists and ankles. "I'm here 'Zula. I'm here."

Azula sat up her eyes wild and wide, breath ragged and harsh. She twisted from side to side, her mouth opening and shutting wordlessly.

"Azula…" Zuko placed his hands on her shoulder, then her face, turning her so she was looking directly at him. "I'm here," He told her firmly. "I'm here." Slowly her eyes focused on his, her breath slowed, the fearful expression replaced by the familiar cold hard look. She pulled away from him and stood up.  
"Wake her," she said, jerking her chin at Katara. "I have needs."  
"You can't wait?"  
Azula just made a face tapping her foot impatiently. Zuko sighed and woke Katara.  
"She can't wait? Of course she can't. Miss High and Mighty can only think of herself." Katara stood up quickly, waking Aang in the process. She stomped over and grabbed Azula by the arm. Aang sat up, rubbed his eyes.  
"Good morning Azula…" he chirped. Azula ignored him. "Morning sweetie, good morning Zuko." He called a bit more quietly to the other two.  
"Morning..." Katara replied gruffly as she tugged on Azula's arm leading her out.  
"Yeah, morning…" Zuko began to fold up Azula's blanket and stuff it in her bag, then do his own.  
"Morning…" Sokka said, as he got up. He didn't even bother to listen to see if he received replies, just went into the "boy's side" of the woods to take care of his own needs. His mind kept going over the scenes from the morning and the night before. He'd made a promise to Zuko and no idea how to keep it. How was he to help?

He got back to camp, Azula and Katara still hadn't returned, but Aang was filling a bowl of cereal for himself and Katara, Zuko filled his bowl and took a second for Azula. He'd fill her bowl from his own while she watched so she wouldn't fear poisoning or whatever it was she was afraid of. How could he help Zuko?

Katara and Azula finally emerged, Zuko stood up, Katara dumping Azula by Zuko's side, Aang calling out "hi!" in that hyper-cheery voice of his which generated the usual no-response from Azula. "Give it a rest Aang," Sokka muttered under his breath "you sound like a nurse…" and just like that the answer fell into place. He stood, going over to the pot, and spooned in a drop more food, yawned and then looked up at his sister and Azula. "Morning girls…" he said through his yawn. "Hey, what takes you so long anyway? I was up after you and back before you."  
Katara stared at him, Azula stared at him; they were all staring at him.  
Katara shook her head in disbelief, folded her arms across her chest. "Brothers!" She huffed.  
"Bothers," Azula replied.  
"Agreeeee…" Katara blinked turned to Azula as both Sokka and Zuko uttered shouts of protest.  
"Well we can't disagree on everything." Azula pointed up at the sky. "The sun is up. We agree on that. Brothers are pains."  
"Zuko is nothing like Sokka."  
"HEY!" Sokka frowned.  
"Hah!" Azula snorted. "Believe what you want."  
"Azula…no stories!" Zuko protested nervously.  
Azula folded her arms across her chest lifting her nose into the air and giving a sharp nod.  
"Don't you dare Azula!"  
"Dragon juice…" Azula said dramatically.  
"Argh!" Zuko groaned. "I got into so much trouble!"  
"You shouldn't have confessed!"  
"I felt so guilty."  
"You were just eight Zuko…"  
"Story?" Sokka prompted.  
"I was eight, Azula was six. Father was gone and Azula kept trailing after me wanting me to play so I…"  
"Mooom! Tell Azula to stop following me! Only mom made you play with me instead."  
"Yeah." Zuko smiled. "So I came up with this plan. Azula loved dragons, so I told her there was a special drink that could change her into a dragon."  
"WORST thing I ever tasted…" Azula said, but she was smiling Sokka noted, grinning up at her brother.  
"She threw up all over." Zuko spread his arms wide. "It was dark red, mother was so frightened, Azula told mom that she had made a potion up but she couldn't remember what was in it…"  
"Brothers!" Katara laughed. "Bothers…" "Then Zuko confessed…" Azula went on.  
"You shouldn't have gotten into trouble for something I did…" Zuko poured half his bowl of food into the extra bowl and passed it to his sister.  
Azula looked over to his sister. "But I got him back! Frog-snail…" Azula said, kissing her free hand.  
"Oh no! You can't tell them that one…" But Zuko was laughing. "I can't believe I fell for it..."  
Sokka smiled, and put his hand on Zuko's shoulder. "Oh I can see where this is headed."  
Azula giggled."I think he must have kissed every frog-snail in the garden trying to turn one back into Mai."  
"Kid sisters…" Sokka said folding his arms across his chest in imitating his sister.  
"Bothers." Zuko added.  
Aang handed Katara one of the bowls of cereal. "Is this what I missed out on not having siblings?"  
His sister laughed, accepting the bowl. "You wouldn't believe some of the stunts Sokka pulled on me."  
"Hey, you got your tricks in too!"  
"This one time," Katara began, "I must have been seven and Sokka was nine" She glanced sideways at him "and I had this fear of snakes…"  
Sokka grinned… "Okay, okay I was a rotten older brother sometimes." he said.  
"Anyway…" Katara went on.  
_You are right buddy, she is just fifteen._ Sokka thought as he watched, only half listening, as Katara related his past misdeeds. They were laughing, all of them, Aang his mouth agape in disbelief, Zuko grinning and bumping up against Azula, Azula laughing and shaking her head, Katara grabbing onto Azula's arm and insisting "But this is the best part!" He could not have claimed he planned this, but it worked, for some strange everything in the right alignment reason, it worked. _She is just fifteen, and your younger sister, and isn't that the sister you want most?_


End file.
